It's just amazing how I had exchanged thoughts with a Filipino friend recently
here in Niue regarding aspects of loving. It all started with an online post / article
written by another Filipino friend, "Dang", who I have previously featured here in my blog.
(You will find her in the post entitled, "Faces of God.") In her article, she suggested
some tips on how ladies may find Mr. Right...Should you want to read it, please find
the link somewhere below.
As soon as I finished reading the article, I decided to post a link of it in a friend's wall
in Facebook. To my surprise, the post caught the attention of my friend, Cathy, who
started writing down comments revealing her disagreements to the article.
I believe the discussion that we had is worth sharing. I even thought of editing it
and rewriting some parts of it and turn it into a short story... I hope you would
enjoy reading through it. I would appreciate it much if you also respond to this post.
Before I forget, I would like to thank "Dang" and "Cathy" for this. This has really been
a learning experience for me as well. I wish to thank God too. I'm sure everything
that transpired in this discussion wasn't just ours. It had God's inspiration.
Enjoy reading!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
On Joan's wall...
Wall Post: http://dang-justaboutanything.blogspot.com/2011/10/becoming-woman.html
Sunday, October 30, 2011, 9:11 AM
Cathy Cajes how did you know that mike is the right one?? i know heaps of couples who seems to be perfect for 15 yrs then eventually decided to live their lives apart from each other.
no offence but, I think it doesn't matter if you have the right one or not...
what matters , is that you are in the relationship because you love that someone and you're happy with him/her and that the feeling is mutual..
Sunday at 10:51am ·
Cathy Cajes and if the time will come that the relationship is not working then let go... and be open to fall in love again...
Sunday at 10:53am ·
Cathy Cajes and there is no such thing as the right place to meet Mr. Right. In the eyes of God everyone is equal, so even if you met that someone inside the prison, it doesn't matter... just remember that while you are in the relationship, commit yourself and do whatever you can to work things out... and PRAY... ;)
Sunday at 10:56am ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Let me clarify first that the post is clearly about entering into a "serious relationship" and therefore leading on to marriage. It is a post for women who want to settle down and enter into a serious relationship. The writer is not talking about other forms of relationships that are becoming famous now a days and are commonly seen in Hollywood movies and television series. We also have to understand that the post was written by someone who strongly believes in what the Church taught us -- that marriage is going to be a life long journey with Christ.
Sunday at 1:51pm ·
Jake Anthony Jagos With that in mind, she believes it is wise for "girls like her" to choose someone whom they can truly commit their whole life with, someone with strong moral convictions, someone who believes in a life-long marriage, someone who believes that God completes a relationship. Otherwise, why venture into marriage? Why venture into something you don't actually believe in? Why enter into marriage when deep inside something tells you that the relationship "may" falter and "may not" work-out?
Sunday at 1:51pm ·
Jake Anthony Jagos This was probably why she was suggesting to find your partner from places where you're ideal man would most probably linger. Well, if your ideal man is someone who loves to go to parties here and there, then you would mostly find that man in parties and in sociable gatherings. If you are highly spiritual, of course you would want to find someone who can relate to you...and I don't think there is high probability of meeting him in not so spiritual places.
Sunday at 1:55pm ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Loving is certainly not just a feeling. It is a decision. If you are thinking about marrying, it is therefore wise to find someone who truly understands the concept above; otherwise, that someone might just think of you as a dress -- needs to be washed, will be worn again some other time.
Sunday at 2:06pm ·
Cathy Cajes fair enough.. but nahhh... still no one is sure of choosing the right choice... feelings may and can change along the way... loving someone is not based on his/her background, past, or lifestyle... if that's what you believe then maybe you don't believe in saying that everyone is fair in love...
Sunday at 10:11pm ·
Cathy Cajes every girl wants to have a life long marriage... but what if you choose the wrong guy... what will you do? continue to live with that someone because you were bonded with the marriage? i have friends who literally beg their parents to live their life separately because their not at peace anymore...
Sunday at 10:14pm ·
Cathy Cajes given the author of the blog is one of those lucky girls who found a good man... but its not applicable for every one...
Sunday at 10:15pm ·
Cathy Cajes not all men that you met in the spiritual places are good,,, not all men who go to masses every sunday do have a good heart...
Sunday at 10:16pm ·
Cathy Cajes my brother don't go to church every sunday.. so that would mean he don't deserve to be love or to be consider as mr. right???
Sunday at 10:18pm ·
Cathy Cajes the only step the she wrote that i strongly agree... is the number 1... PRAY....
Sunday at 10:19pm ·
Cathy Cajes choosing someone we want to be in our life is like any other choice we made everyday... the best thing we can do is to pray... ;)
Sunday at 10:22pm ·
Cathy Cajes example: pink color may look good on you.. but it look horrible on me... ;)
Sunday at 10:38pm ·
Cathy Cajes im not saying the author's relationship will end up soon.. my only point is, no steps nor books can ever give human a way to have a happy love life... coz that's magic of it... other wise, it won't be called LOVE...
Sunday at 10:42pm ·
Jake Anthony Jagos That's basically the problem. Our world today has defined "love" as some kind of magic, some kind of spark that gives the right feeling. Then what happens next? The feeling is gone; romance is over; then what? Somebody's gonna have to say the "I don't like you anymore? It's not gonna work out?" That's not love. Love is not a feeling. It is a decision. You choose to enter marriage because you say you love the person -- panindigan mo yan. Now that is why it is very important that both parties realize what they are entering into. That's all I'm saying. Please don't mistaken the writer or probably me for some person who looks down on other people. We're not saying your brother can never become Mr. Right Guy. What I'm saying is, if ever he decides to get married, he has to prepare himself by realizing the seriousness of the life he is going to be entering into.
Yesterday at 12:57am ·
Jake Anthony Jagos The Church has a way of reaching out to couples with failed marriages. Certainly, there are cases that are not bounded by love and when this is proven, the marriage is annulled.
Yesterday at 1:04am ·
Jake Anthony Jagos You are right about wrong guys. And since there are "wrong guys" then there should be "right guys". It's always best to prevent than to cure. Choose your guy well and minimize the chances of ending up a failure.
Yesterday at 1:11am ·
Cathy Cajes causes of some drug addiction in teenagers is parents. the kids will suffer if they will see everyday that their parents don't love each other anymore... LOVE IS NOT A FEELING? HAHAHAHA.. so when you say i love my mom, or i love my friends, you don't feel it? you just said it because you just decided it??
Yesterday at 6:54am ·
Cathy Cajes that's exactly my point, committing thyself in to the relationship is the only thing couples should do. and no steps can help or prevent failed marriage..
Yesterday at 6:58am ·
Cathy Cajes sure thing church has their way to reach out couples, but what's the success rate?
Yesterday at 6:59am ·
Cathy Cajes my dad choose my mom despite the fact that she already have a kid from a failed relationship. because he love her. and it didn't matter to him that their relationship might end up too just like what happen to my mom's previous relationship. my dad choose my mom because of how he feels for my mom. even though my mom is not an ideal girl to marry. but thanks to god they're still happily together...
Yesterday at 7:09am ·
Cathy Cajes choose your guy well, that right, but how? here's my answer: choose the guy that you love, makes you happy and the guy loves you back. ;)
Yesterday at 7:14am ·
Jake Anthony Jagos I could'nt have said it any better. We are totally talking about the same thing. You are right when you said "Love is a commitment"...hehehe..Lovetherefore is a decision because it is a commitment. All we need to correct is that notion that love is equated to just mere happiness. Otherwise, you would have left your mom and dad a long time ago. Question: Have you always felt the same kind of happiness towards your mom and dad? Isn't it that there were time when you felt so disappointed and angry perhaps? If love were just based on happiness which is a feeling, you would have desserted your parents right on that very time you felt bad about them. Love therefore is more than just a feeling. It is a decision. It is a commitment.
Yesterday at 8:28am ·
Jake Anthony Jagos You never left because you decided not to...because they are your parents...and whether or not they are the best or the worst parents, you will never can afford to leave them kasi ipaglalaban mo sila no matter what, right? That's what people should about their partners. If they love their partners, they will have to fight for the relationship no matter what.
Yesterday at 8:31am ·
Cathy Cajes a decision based on feelings.. not based on someone's background... commitment to parents is different because it was bonded by blood... there's only one parents for you... you don't have to choose that.. but being with someone is a totally different thing... :)
23 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes to end up the relationship with the wrong guy is fine... maybe it's part of God's plan for you, to learn something...
23 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes but as i was saying, there's no way to tell ahead of time that you pick the wrong one... ;)
23 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes don't get me wrong my friend... :) i'm just expressing how disagree i am to the steps of finding mr. right
23 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos hehehe...I'm trying to understand where you are coming from...but really these things I'm sharing to you aren't just things that I learned by myself...These things we discussed so seriously way back in college in our Philosophy classes. This was also tackled by the Bishop of Tonga when he came last time and gave a seminar. In fact, I checked the internet today just to know whether or not this stand that I am sharing to you is still valid and stable...and you know what? you will actually find a lot of articles about love not being a feeling. While it is true that a feeling of happiness with can be one gauging point, it can also be deceiving because you see "happiness is relative." Sometimes we find delight in earthly things and they most of the time blind us.
23 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos http://www.rajiv.com/blog/1997/04/14/love-decision/
www.rajiv.com
Love should be a decision, not an emotion. People should not fall in love, they ...See More23 hours ago · ·
Jake Anthony Jagos http://adrianwarnock.com/2005/08/what-is-love/
www.adrianwarnock.com
Today I was thinking about love. I asked my daughter, Tamasin, what the word “lo...See More23 hours ago · ·
Jake Anthony Jagos http://www.outshine.com/blog/2008/04/is-love-a-feeli ng-or-a-commitment.php
www.outshine.com
Imagine my surprise a while ago when I was reading a discussion about the Lord o...See More23 hours ago · ·
Cathy Cajes i do come from reality,,, and not ideally... :) books and seminars are like dreams... they're perfect and say too organized... but knock knock... it's not happening in reality... :)
23 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes but hey it's me... each one of us have different finger prints they say... :) so maybe those steps will work for you.. just let me know though...
22 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes but seriously, tell the author it's a good article though... i seldom read those kind of stuff...
22 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes i'm just like this.. :) i even question the church about the effectiveness of confession.. :)
22 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Marriage is a sacred thing; hence, it needs to be understood well. Couples who wish to enter it have to understand the seriousness of the matter. It will have to be a 100% sure decision from both parties. Since the matter is really that serious, mao nang nagsuggest akong amiga nga pilion nalang gyud ang guy na makahatag sa iyang 100% sure yes to love you a lifetime.
22 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes only god can decide that.. that's why i do agree with her step number one...
22 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos I beg to disagree Cath. What I'm sharing you is no fairy tale. It is very real. Mao baya na gina educate na gyud karon ang mga mosulod ug marriage kay looy kaayo pagnaa na didto sa sulod...you know why? Kay operated by feeling lang ang ilang pagtan-aw sa love. Basta kay na feel nako pakaslan na dayon. Dili dapat ingon-ana. Dapat ilhon sa gyud ug maayo ang partner. Basin diay naa kay makita na dili nimo kaya na pagnaa namo sa marriage diba?
22 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Daghan dayon mo hilak kay ayha pa nila nahimbaw-an ang true color sa partner...gusto na dayon makigbulag -- that's a very irresponsible thing to do.
22 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes you can't see that unless you will live with that someone in the same house... even your closest friend dli nimu mailhan not unless nagpuyo namu sa same house...
22 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos There are other ways to know more a person...kutihan lang gud nimo.
22 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes believe me jake... i have a friend na everyday na naku kuyog.. but at the end, i barely knew her...
22 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes cguro mas lingaw na if mag date ta duha.. utangan pa baya kog dinner sa imu
22 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Of course, like what the writer wrote, it's not really going to be a perfect one, but what's going to matter is that you have made the DECISION and that whatever happens (given that you've made efforts to know the person well) you can make it through the rain... because you've made a decision. They say once a person's heart has decided, it shall be firm and strong.
22 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes i think it will create more damage.. not only sa couple, as well as sa mga tao nga naka surround sa ilaha...
22 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Hoy naunsa man ka...wala koy giingon na walay sulbad sa extreme cases na ingon-ana...if sayop gyud na nag marry sila kay dili diay nila love ang usag usa then what's point of continuing...that's where annulment come's in...kaso lang dili sayon pud... mao na nadapat gyud maeducate ang mosulod ug marriage para walay ingon-ana na mahitabo.
22 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Ms. Dang Demata-Libed...magcomment ka naman dyaan. Enlighten us...we want to learn something from you.
21 hours ago ·
Cathy Cajes dugay naman nang couples seminar before ang wedding... dugay na kaayo na as in.. but wala pay naka stop anang panghitabo nga bulag..
21 hours ago ·
Jake Anthony Jagos Cath, in the medical field, when someone says "prevention", does it mean "dili na magkasakit ang tao? You see these things are just tips / suggestions / preventive measures...no one said it's going to guarantee 0% failure. Naa ra man nimo kung follow ka or dili.
15 hours ago ·
Every beuatiful thing is of God's Divine origin...it was just a discussion that led you Jake to writing this...thanks so much Jake and you are greatly welcome...you did such a wonderful job with Cathy:-) continue to be a blessing to your friends :-) including me of course hehehe God bless you friendship:-)
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